Evangelical Atheism

I don’t want to be one of those asshole know-it-all atheists. You know the type. There is still a strong urge in me to break away from all things religious due to my fundamentalist upbringing. There are many crazy religious things I see or hear on a day to day basis where I just want to speak up and say something, but I don’t want to be that guy.

The ironic thing is that I was trained, some may say brainwashed, to be that evangelical guy. In our religious community, we were constantly guilted into pressing our truth on those less fortunate souls who didn’t believe in flying zombies. If we weren’t out there winning souls, we were doing something wrong and god would spit us out of his mouth.

As my life rolls along today, I am trying to break free from that thought process. You see, that mindset of sharing your version of truth was so ingrained in me that it’s like instinct now. In my superstitious days, I was constantly on the outlook for some kind of offense against Christianity, to which I could pounce on and spread the gospel. Although I’ve got the religious monkey off my back, I’ve got a remnant of the evangelical mindset. Any time there is anything remotely religious brought up, I’ve got to bite my tongue to ward off that instinctive gut feeling which desires to tell people that life can be better without religion.

My girlfriend is a big help in this area, whether she realizes it or not. There are times when I get focussed on something to do with my interactions with religious-era friends, or when I just feel like I need to get something out, and she’ll make a comment roping me back in. Whether it comes from frustration on her part, or just common sense, it sure is a big help when she wonders aloud why it’s such a big deal to me. It usually gives me that jolt allowing me to take a step back and realize that in the scheme of things, it really isn’t that big a deal in my every day actions. There are more important things to worry about.

Just last week I was going to be hanging out with some friends who I hadn’t hung out with alone for several years. The last time it was just the three of us was when I expressed my doubts in Christianity and started the long and painful process of separation from the church. Knowing that it was just going to be the three of us again hanging out last week, I was preparing myself for the inevitable discussion of religion. I was sure it was going to come up and wanted to be ready.

But my beautiful girlfriend thankfully roped me in. She asked why I thought my beliefs were so important to them and it got me thinking. This time, I would just avoid bringing up the religion topic entirely and just have fun. And you know what? It was a blast. We had a good time, just like in the old days. There was no awkwardness where we would discuss our differences. But that’s just fine. I know they are happy in their church family, and I’m happier without the unnecessary dogma. Agree to disagree.

It’s still going to be a bumpy road ahead. I’ve still got a lot of baggage that needs to be unloaded, but this blog seems to help give a voice to my thoughts. Dumping my rantings here have given me that necessary respite from being that asshole evangelical atheist.

~ by nogodsallowed on October 23, 2007.